i think my tv is drunk
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
