let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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