I swear god or herbie drove my car home
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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