Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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