bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
