Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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