dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
