i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
