We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
