her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
