I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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