I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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