My first STD was from a foam party
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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