Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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