I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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