Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
