it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
