Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize