So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
