i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
