I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
