then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
