You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
