I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
