I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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