I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't deserve a penis
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
