By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Randomize
