So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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