Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
