I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
