My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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