thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
