Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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