im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
