Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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