chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
