Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
