I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
