My first STD was from a foam party
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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