Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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