im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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