just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
