I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
