is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize