I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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