I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
