im having a threesome with these popsicles
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
