tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
