Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
