If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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