She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
