I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
