How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
