i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
