So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
