Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
