A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
pray to the hookup gods
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize