I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
