it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
