The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
you never un-have a 4some
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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