1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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