if we break up, who will get the dealer?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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