this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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