Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
