You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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