it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
