the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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