I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
