honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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