ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
worst night to have a conscience
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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