Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We are two peas in an std pod
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
