allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
