the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm passing your future prison.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
