K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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